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What is the history behind IANFEST 2004 you may well ask. Simply put, IANFEST is the celebration of our former roommate Ian and his quirky ways. Yes, Ian was a queer fellow, with as many eccentricities as could be found on any soul. He made us laugh, he made us cry (from laughing) but most of all he made us laugh. Oh no, this was not the laughter of wit and well placed intellectual quips by Ian, but rather the laughter of: scorn, disbelief and mocking.
It all began in Fall of ‘01, when we moved into the dorms of CU. Little did we know at that time, but we were embarking on a long road of learning and excitement, when we met our friend IAN!! Ian was a young lad from Texas, newly come to Colorado. Why he came, the reason all out of state students do, the skiing. After having met through a third party, Ian and Jason became friends. After two years of friendship, Ian and Jason as well as John and Brandon decided to move in together to an apartment. This is where the real story begins.
Ian had many odd traits that we picked up on from the very beginning. For example he loved pasta, and so he bought several large bags of it, that would take a semester or two just to consume. Ian was always a bit peckish so would eat around the apartment all the time. Having three college age males around the house in addition to himself, Ian was afraid of losing any food especially any particularly good food he might make to other people. From this fear and greed, Ian would bake what we now call ‘Midnight cookies’ somewhere between midnight and 3:00 am. This saved Ian the hassle of his flatmates from bothering him for his cookies, except his roommates were too astute for this to work well.
Often times his roommates would catch him in the act of his comical guilt, baking cookies at these eccentric hours, and inquire as to his strange doings. He would reply quickly, but nervously knowing that he was well caught. In honour to this, the ritual of the great MIDNIGHT COOKIE BAKE is always what begins any given IANFEST. In addition to this, other eccentric habits would present themselves at occasional intervals. Whenever he ate, Ian would take suspicion of those nearest to him, and so always look around him in a pensive manner afraid that at any moment someone may jump up and seize his food for themself.
One would often find evidence of either worshippers from Ian’s room or his great coffers overflowing upon the floor of his room. During his tenure here, the floors in his room were laden with riches, always in coin form, there were bowls everywhere to collect these coins, but always they would be overflowing. When Ian was happy, we all were, what could best be described as his ‘glee’ noise was so heartening for us all to hear. He would make a noise of a somewhat breathy nature, rather high in pitch usually just before letting out a slight laugh.
One area that must be included to make any worthwhile site on IANFEST, is his wonderful masturbatory habits. Often unsolicited, Ian would generously offer us stories of his frequent self-love sessions. Two such stories are that one time, while driving through his natal home of Texas (through the boring pan-handle) one night, his only means of keeping himself awake were by choking the chicken, and so not wanting to get into an accident by falling asleep, Ian took the most prudent precautions, and flogged the dolphin in the car sometime very late at night and on a desolate highway. The other story is that after completing taking some medication that had the side effect of reducing his sex drive, Ian regained back his sex drive in a flash, and found the stamina to polish the nob seven times the first day being done with it. This and a whole lot more was the wild wacky life of Ian.
At the end of the Fall semester of ‘03, Ian left our company to go to Montana State University, but his memory lives on in our hearts and in our IANFEST, we will always miss him.
"THANKS GUYS!!" - Ian